There is a car seat in my living room, sitting in its box—unopened.
My friend Kari, a doula and prenatal yoga teacher, has said to me that the only two things you REALLY need before the baby arrives are boobs and a car seat.
I’ve had the first item covered for a while….so…what happens now that I have the second?
I have about nine weeks left in this pregnancy. Nine weeks to finish getting all of the other stuff I should probably have before the baby comes. Nine weeks left of getting some amount of sleep, of me spending time by myself, of time alone with just my husband. Nine weeks left where my dogs are ridiculously spoiled, of spending uninterrupted time with friends, of feeling the baby move inside of me and imagining what it will be like to finally meet him.
This is an interesting place to be—one of obsessive list-making and online shopping, of excessive amounts of baths and heating pads, of anticipation, excitement, anxiety, and even some moments of calm. It feels like standing at the edge of a deep chasm. The rest between contractions. The space between.
This entire pregnancy has been a dance between dark and light—of quickly changing emotions, of a quickly changing body. Of going from laughter to tears in a matter of seconds, from calm to worry, or from comfort to discomfort in my own body, each time wondering with a sinking feeling, “Is this just how I feel now? Is this my new normal?”
And in all reality, whatever new dark place I have encountered, it has always subsided, whether in a matter of hours, days, or weeks. I have said this before, but I think pregnancy is like normal life turned up a notch. It is life—intensified. And from what I hear, the same is true of parenting.
So as I make my way to this particular finish line, I hold the awareness that this is just the beginning of a number of new phases, each with their own dance between dark and light. There are things I will miss about pregnancy. And as anxious I am for the tiny newborn phase of life, there are things I will miss about that, too once it’s gone. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, started her whole project to become happier with the realization that “…the days are long, but the years are short.” And so I continue to ride out this space between phases of life, taking it one day at a time, one moment at a time….savoring the end of this chapter before the next one rolls in, aware of the uncertainties that lie ahead of me, trusting that it will all enfold as it should.
Hello, 2015!
2014 was an incredible year in my household, and suffice it to say, we essentially experienced most major life transitions in just one year. While a bit non-traditional, it all felt like it was unfolding at exactly the right pace for us.
My spring break last March was a mixed bag. It was great to get a little bit of space from work, but I couldn’t help but feel extremely uneasy. I loved being able to spend more time at home with my dog, and I loved having the time and energy to read for pleasure. I daydreamed about what it might be like to live on a schedule that was all my own and without a long daily commute. But on the flip side, I felt trapped in a lifestyle that no longer served me.
Never one to wallow for very long, I went out and got a dog. I went to all the shelters in the area before finding her: she was soft, cuddly, and affectionate and she immediately filled an important spot in our family. While Sasha did not bring about a completely new lifestyle, she made me feel less guilty for leaving Peter all day, and that was a start.
The year continued, as did my uneasy feelings about continuing at a job that was only partially fulfilling when I had so many other interests. Slowly, and with my husband’s help, I cut back on my commitments at school, spent more time on things that interested me like yoga, writing, and intuitive readings, and got knocked up J I chose to incorporate more things that energized me and less things that drained me, and I would say without a doubt that 2014 has been my favorite year yet.
A year ago, my husband and I drove back from our holiday trip to the Midwest and talked about all that we wanted to accomplish in 2014. We accomplished many of those goals, put a few on the backburner, and added some new ones in we hadn’t yet dreamt up at this time last year. This year I have a different approach. 2015 will bring one very obvious change to my life, in that I have to expel a tiny human from my body and then take care of him. But that’s about all I am sure of. My intention is to continue to follow my intuition—what my gut is telling me—to help guide any changes or transitions that I may come across.
Most of my reading clients also describe a feeling of uneasiness about them, as if they know they are about to jump off a cliff, they’re just not sure which cliff or how to jump. While it’s tempting to set a bunch of goals at the beginning of the year, I think it’s more important and more meaningful to set an intention. What do you want more of in your life? Love? Creativity? Flexibility? Fun? Whatever it is, keep that intention in mind while you make decisions throughout the year, and you will always make the decision that is most in alignment with your higher self.